Cornflower Blue
by Kairikiani
Summary: Sai was skilled at many things, but mourning was not one of them. (Shino/Sai friendship. Rated T for language.)


Author's Note: I originally planned for this to be another chapter of Little Things, but then Sai took over the story, so I figured I ought to put this drabble in its own slot.

Also, short thanks to Fanwoman, mijubuki, and all my other regular reviewers. You guys are awesome.

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_Thumpthump Thumpthump Thumpthump_

An empty cart passed Sai on the road, wheels clacking against the rubble. It stopped in front of the pile of bricks that used to be the post office. Sai climbed on the roof of a nearby shop that had been spared the brunt of Pain's attack. He got out his sketchbook and began drawing the wreckage for this section of the village. The council of elders wanted visual records of every street by the end of the week so that they could know which buildings were salvageable and which needed to be torn down.

The cart driver exchanged greetings with the two construction workers clearing away refuse. "Hey. Didya hear? They say the Uchiha was the one who offed Danzo."

Sai's pencil stopped, even though he'd confirmed this news three days ago. Down on the street, a pug-nosed Akimichi began dumping trash into the cart. "No kidding? So are we assassinating the kid or giving him a medal?"

"Assassinating him, of course. Corrupt or not, Danzo was our Hokage," answered a wrinkled Nara woman.

"But didn't he brainwash that Mifune fellow? If he hadn't died, the other Kage woulda never forgiven us," the cart driver argued. "Far as I'm concerned, the Uchiha saved us the trouble a executin' him."

Sai tilted his head back and focused on the sky. It as a very interesting shade of blue – dark yet soft at the same time. He wondered what the color's name was. He looked through his pencils until he found it: cornflower blue. He began filling in the sky for the drawing.

"Is there any news of his bodyguards though? They need to be put on trial as well."

"Nope. Far as I've heard, those tricky Root bastards are still runnin' free."

Sai stood and faced the three villagers below. The Nara woman looked up at him. He opened his mouth, but then forgot what he was going to say. Something about respecting the dead, perhaps. Except Sai did not know if a Hokage's citizens were required to be sad about his death. These people were normal, and they were all mad at Danzo, which meant anger was likely the correct emotion to feel.

Sai felt nothing, so he picked up his pencils and left. He traveled across the village until he found a quieter place to draw. He settled down on a rock and began sketching the skyline.

Halfway through drawing the old dumpling shop, Sai felt a presence behind him.

Sai looked up to see a boy wearing goggles and a high black collar. It was Shino – one of Naruto's friends. At least, Naruto claimed to be his friend. He didn't seem to know much about the boy when he introduced Sai.

"Greetings, Sai. Why am I here? Because I wish to ask you a question." He tilted his head towards Sai's sketch book. "However, I can come back later if you are busy."

Sai wished more people talked like Shino. Shino didn't use body language or sarcasm to give his words secret meanings. Everything he said was honest and crystal clear. "Ask the question. Why? Because I can draw and listen at the same time." Sai bit his lip. The phrasing didn't sound quite as natural when he did it.

Shino ignored Sai's blunder and walked forward. He knelt down like a commissioner before a feudal lord. "I was wondering if Root has any information on the whereabouts of Torune and Fu."

Sai's pencil froze. He craned his neck so that he could see down into Shino's collar. Either Shino's face held no expression, or the emotion was so subtle that Sai did not have the skills to read it.

Was Shino one of the people who wanted to put Fu and Torune on trial? Sai didn't have any loyalty to them, but he didn't want to see them executed either. They had only been following orders, after all. "Why?"

"Torune is an Aburame. As the clan heir-"

"Fu and Torune's clans gave up all legal rights and responsibilities when the two were transferred to Root."

Shino shifted his weight. "Call it a professional concern then."

"In that case, you should take it up with the council of elders." Sai tucked his sketchbook into his pack and stood up. It seemed he was not going to get much work done here either. "If you'll excuse me-"

"Please!"

He paused. The Aburame were not known for raising their voices.

Shino took a deep breath. "Torune was –_is _my brother." He tilted his face, presumably to initiate eye contact behind his goggles. "I am aware that word won't mean much to someone from Root, but it means a lot to me."

Sai's whole body froze. "Brother?" Sai shook his head. "No, that's impossible. The records say Torune was the last of his genetic line."

"He wasn't my biological brother. I meant it in an emotional sense."

Sai slowly sat himself back on the rock. "Like Naruto and Sasuke."

"Our relationship was more concrete than theirs. How so? Because my father adopted Torune at a young age and raised us together as siblings."

This sounded familiar. Too familiar. "Then why was Torune the only one to be recruited into Root?"

"Because..." Shino's voice dropped away. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. "When the Root program was created, every clan was required to give one of their children."

Sai nodded. He'd read all about the recruitment drive in the Root archives.

"When Danzo came to the Aburame compound, he'd wanted to take me. My father forbade it."

Sai felt his eyebrows go up. That had not been in the archives.

"Danzo told him that any clan who refused to donate a child would be tried for treason. So Torune offered himself in my place, with the hopes that I could have a normal life."

Sai's chest tightened, as though his rib cage was squeezing shut. If he had to guess the reason, he'd say he was upset. He wasn't sure why – Root members were supposed to sacrifice themselves for others. Torune's actions had been perfectly natural.

"You let him?"

Shino's body went completely still. Sai was reminded of the praying mantises he'd draw as a child, and how they'd freeze whenever they sensed him watching. Sai kept his gaze on Shino's face and wondered how long he'd last.

"Yes," Shino eventually answered. "Why? Because Torune told me he was leaving of his own free will."

"And you believed him?" Sai snapped.

Shino's eyebrows quirked up. Sai blinked. If a passerby were to hear him speak, they'd think joining Root was some kind of punishment.

Was it? If Sai was honest with himself, he missed having all of his memories. And life would be a lot simpler for him if he understood emotions. But those sacrifices had been necessary to make him an ideal warrior. Being a member of Root was an honor.

Shino's voice cut through his thoughts. "I did believe him. Why? Because Torune was unable to physically control his nanobugs. I was under the impression that Danzo could help him work around this disability." He adjusted his goggles. "Technically I was not wrong. However, I did not appreciate the complexity of the situation until years later. By then Torune's trail was too cold to follow."

Sai closed his eyes. So Torune had been like Shin then – using a medical condition to force his brother into saving himself. Why were older brothers always so tricky?

The last part of Shino's answer replayed in his head. Sai opened his eyes. "When you talk about Torune's trail…does that mean you tried to find him?"

Shino nodded. "I still am."

Sai's chest hurt again. He took a calming breath. "Shino, you are aware that Torune is Danzo's bodyguard, yes? He is a prime example of Root conditioning. Even if he remembers you, he will no longer care for you."

"True. However, I would like to think that our bond transcends things like feelings."

Sai's chest squeezed tighter. He felt as though his ribs were piercing his lungs. Memories of Danzo flashed through his brain, which confused Sai immensely. It would have made sense for the conversation to remind him of Shin, since there was some parallel between Torune and his own brother. There was no such parallel with Danzo – at least none that was obvious to Sai.

"Shino, I'm sorry."

Shino stiffened again. "Sorry that you can't tell me Torune's whereabouts, or sorry that he's dead?"

"I don't know. Once Root heard about Danzo's run-in with Sasuke, we examined every inch of Samurai Bridge." Sai recalled the craters and scorch marks that had littered the pathway. It was a miracle the bridge had been still standing.

"We couldn't find any clues about what happened to Torune and Fu – no footprints on the nearby road, no traces of Torune's nanobugs, not even any of their blood. The only body we found was-" Sai's throat was closing up. He choked the last word out. "Danzo's."

Sai's sucked in a shaky breath. What was wrong with him? Was he having an asthma attack? He'd never had one before.

He felt something wet slide down his cheek. He touched it, then examined is fingertip. Water. Sai looked up, expecting rain, but the sky was still clear and blue. Sai traced the water trail up to his eye. He looked at Shino. "Am I crying?"

Shino examined Sai's fingertip. "It would seem so."

Sai stared at the droplet on his fingertip, half-amazed and half-scared. He hadn't known it was even possible for him to cry.

Shino coughed. "If you don't mind my asking, were you close with Danzo? Closer than other Root members, I mean."

Another tear dribbled down his face. Sai caught it with his middle finger, then went back to examining his hand. The tears refracted the light, magnifying his fingerprints. "I don't know," he murmured.

Sai was Danzo's tool, just like all the others. But he was a useful tool. Danzo's tool. Something he clothed and fed and honed into a fighter. Something he protected and praised and even smiled at sometimes.

Could tools have bonds? Sai wished Danzo were alive. These questions would be a lot easier to answer if he could speak with Danzo directly. "I don't know."

Shino coughed. "Sai. I do not mean to be presumptuous, but typically when someone cries for the dead, it means they cared for that person."

Tears were coming out of Sai's other eye now. It was getting hard to see. "But he made me fight Shin."

Shino's eyebrows scrunched together. "Who is Shin?"

"My brother."

"Ah. Did Shin survive the fight?"

"No."

"So Danzo forced you to kill him."

"No."

"But you just said-" Shino saw Sai's face and stopped. "Never mind. The point is, Danzo hurt you and your brother. Yet you still care for him, and this confuses you. Am I correct?"

Sai's face began to burn. He didn't respond.

Shino pressed his goggles against his nose, even though they were already firmly in place. "Sai…This may seem illogical, but your emotions aren't abnormal. Sometimes we cannot help but care for people, even when they hurt us. _Ahem_. This doesn't mean you should allow people to treat you poorly. But neither should you feel guilt for-"

Sai interrupted him with a wet, shuddering hack. "Shino? I-I don't think I'm crying right. How am I supposed to – to be breathing?"

"I…don't know." Shino stood up. He stared down at Sai as though he'd never seen someone cry before. He probably hadn't. After all, what self-respecting ninja has an emotional breakdown in front of his peers? Sai knelt forward and coughed, unable to do anything but sit there and be watched.

The two of them stayed like that for a good ten seconds. When Shino next spoke, he sounded supremely uncomfortable. "Do you…require a hug?"

"I think I'm choking."

Shino strode forward and thwapped Sai sharply between the shoulder blades. Sai's coughing sputtered into a wheeze. His chest opened up a little.

"Does that help?"

Sai nodded. Shino hit him again, and again, in a slow, even blows weren't painful, but they were hard enough that Sai knew he'd have bruises tomorrow. He suspected Shino was not experienced with comforting people.

However, Sai's breath _was_ slowly coming back to him. His eyes dried up, and his mind returned to its numb equilibrium. When Shino stopped, Sai felt as though he'd run ten miles. Who knew emotions were so physically exhausting?

Shino sat next to him on the rock. "Are you all right?"

"I'm not sure." Sai's thoughts floated back to Danzo. His body didn't react any more – it was as if he'd used up all his emotions in that one fit. Sai knew his reaction just now was a breakthrough in his research on bonds. However, he was too tired to give much thought as to what exactly he'd discovered. He turned to Shino. "Thank you for helping me breathe again."

"You needn't thank me. Why not? Because it is the duty of comrades to help each other when they are in need."

He and Shino were comrades? Did that happen during their conversation, or had they always been comrades and Sai hadn't realized? Either way, Sai felt relieved to have a friend like Shino. It was important that he cemented the friendship right away. He raised his fist and motioned towards Shino's back. "Do you want me to return the favor?"

Shino stared at Sai's fist for a few seconds before realizing what he was offering. "No thank you. I am breathing fine. I appreciate the thought though."

"But if it turns out Torune's dead, will you need my help then?" Shino lowered his head, deep in thought. Sai couldn't read his body language, but he had a strong instinct that the answer was yes. "If Root finds your brother's corpse, I'll come hit you." He lowered his fist. "Gently," he added for good measure.

"Thank you. I'll hold you to that."

The two sat side-by-side in silence. Shino examined a nearby dragonfly. A cart rumbled in the distance. It occurred to Sai that the conversation had ended. He knew he ought to either excuse himself or revive the conversation, but he was too tired to move and didn't feel like talking. Instead he leaned back and watched the sky. It was a different color now – more of a classic sky blue than cornflower.

He lied back so that Shino's head and the sun were both outside his peripheral vision. All he could see was a gradient of blue. Sai shut out the sound of chatter of the distant villagers and the heat of the rock on his back. The blue filled him up, flooding out the memories of Danzo's corpse and the looming manhunt for Torune.

And for a brief moment, Sai allowed himself to forget that his life had changed.

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Author's Note: Okay, I can foresee some people having a major issue with this story because I made Sai cry, so I'd like to offer a quick justification. After watching the show, I get the feeling that Sai suffers more from alexithymia than true emotionlessness. For the non-psychology people out there, alexithymia is basically when someone is unable to identify or describe their own emotions. They still have feelings - they just can't tell what triggers them, when they are having them, etc. If Sai was truly emotionless, than he wouldn't give a damn about regaining his feelings or learning about bonds. Thus, I'm of the mind that his emotional palette is merely very repressed rather than non-existent. That's why I think it's reasonable for him to be upset about Danzo - after all, Danzo did act as a father-figure to him (if an incredibly #$! one).

That said, obviously this is a first draft so if you all think I got an emotional trigger point wrong or have awkward pacing, I'd like to know. Or if you think the story is the best thing since Shakespeare, that'd be cool to know too. Comments in general are very nice.


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